How to be a Deployed Dad #1

One of my greatest worries about deploying was my ability to be involved in my children’s lives. I’ve written here before that my wife and I feel we are a strong enough couple to handle long-term separation having done it once before for a six-month stretch in 2008 - 2009. But, kids? They add a whole new dimension to being away.

Thank God for the USO.

They’ve made it possible to be that presence at home even though I am 7,000 miles away. They have this program called United Through Reading which exists to continue the ritual of reading to your kids. This is my favorite time of day with Grace and Timothy; I was probably most emotional about leaving them when I read “Goodnight Moon” to Grace on the last night before leaving.

With United Through Reading I was able to pick a book out of the library inside the USO, sit in front of a camera (in a comfy chair), and record myself reading to my kids. Of course, I added a little special message at the end just for them. The first book I read to them is my personal favorite, “Guess How Much I Love You” by Sam McBratney. It’s one of Grace’s favorites too, and I hope Timothy grows to love it as much as we do.  When I was done the USO staff packed up the recording (which is on DVD) and they’ll mail it back to the USO headquarters in Virginia. Volunteers will marry the recording up with a copy of the book for the kids and mail it off to them. They’ll have it in about a month. I can do this as often as I wish. All for free.

How cool is that?!

I’ve said it before (maybe not on this blog, but I have) that the USO, hands-down, is my favorite secular non-profit. Someday I will repay them for all they’ve done for me and my family, whether it’s through my time or financially or both. They really have a fantastic organization and mission.

I’m going to keep looking and posting ways deployed dads (and moms) can stay involved and lessen the difficulty of separation. Please share your ideas if you’ve gone through this too! You can post in the comments below or e-mail me at dadalogue@gmail.com.

In other news, I still haven’t adjusted to the time difference. My sleep is still messed up, so I’m wide away by 4:30 am. That has to change soon or I won’t be able to work without industrial barrel-sized amounts of coffee.

Finally, keep e-mailing me those prayer requests for my prayer runs! I’ll keep everything confidential, so you can tell me as much or as little as you want. Even if it’s just a line that says “Pray for me,” I will. God knows your heart and he’ll answer.

Deployed. The First Days and Prayer Runs

Well, Dadalogue is now deployed. A couple days down and many more to go.

Impressions so far?

This isn’t my grandfather’s war. Goodness, for one thing, I’m blogging on the Internet several hundred miles away from developed civilization. Not only that, but there’s coffee shops (yes, plural), a barber shop nicer than the one I go to in California, and post exchanges that have variety that rivals Wal-Mart. Well, that last one is an exaggeration, but still you must answer the question, “What flavor Pringles to you want?”

The two chow halls I’ve been to have variety, and most of it is pretty good so far. It’s not home cookin’, but it’ll do. Get this: Yesterday I made my own Panini for lunch. Crazy. A hot pressed roast beef and provolone cheese sandwich in a combat zone. The novelty supposedly wears off soon though. I am told that in a couple weeks I’ll be able to know what day it is based solely on the chow hall menu. Tuesdays, for example, are Bang Bang shrimp nights. Thursdays are Oriental nights. Every. Single. Week.

My initial reaction to this cushy lifestyle is guilt. Two reasons. First, there are servicemembers in this country eating tray rations and MREs (Meals-Ready-to-Eat) every day. They’re lucky to get one decent hot meal or shower once every few months. I’ve had three squares a day and hot showers since I’ve been here. Second, I almost feel as if I’m pulling a fast one on the American public. I think there’s this impression that the conditions here are worse than they really are for most of us. The excessiveness of stuff on this base is a bit embarrassing. Except for those who are beyond the confines of bases like the one I’m at, we have it – dare I say – too well.

On the other hand, maybe there’s a reason for it. It sure is nice to know that there are familiar comforts of home within walking distance. Taxpayer money doesn’t pay for it all which helps ease the guilty mind. And those who have the opportunity to come in briefly from the combat outposts deserve all of this and more.

The wife and kids seem to be doing well. I’ve been able to video chat with them a few times. Grace loves seeing me on Skype, shouting “Daddy!” almost the whole time we chat. I was able to watch as she said “draw kitty” and proceeded to go to her art easel to scribble a “kitty cat” on the butcher paper. I saw Timothy in his highchair, food all over his face, smiling from ear to ear and waving his arms when he saw me. It warms the heart to see those magnificent children God has blessed me and the Wife with.

Speaking for God, final thought – and it involves you:

As I was running today I was praying. That got me to thinking about all the people who are praying for me. The power of prayer is amazing (I’ve seen its effects firsthand too many times to count) and I know there are whole churches that have me on their prayer list (thanks to Grandma, Mom Mom, and our church families back in California and where we lived in Virginia for a while). Well, I want to pray for you too. Send me your requests through e-mail (dadalogue@gmail.com), and every morning I will go on what I’ll call a Prayer Run. I won’t stop running until I’ve brought all the requests before God. Pass the word. If I have to run a marathon every day, I will.

Yes, there’s all this cool stuff: creature comforts, good food, hot showers, but I can’t think of a better way to stay positive and close to home than praying for the people I love.

How we raise them

Every day I pray for my children. I thank God for the opportunity to raise and teach them, and for the blessing they are in our lives. With this blessing, as many of you with children already know, comes a huge responsibility.

Because of that responsibility, I pray for God's wisdom concerning decisions my wife and I make in raising them. I'm very aware that we are laying a foundation now that we will build on for years to come. The strength of that foundation will determine their ability to navigate through life and remain standing.

Part of building their foundations is simple stuff like watching our language and speaking politely to each other. But some things are a little harder - the impulsive reactions we have. Like how I react sometimes when a driver cuts me off or if I yell at the dog for barking at the cats that like to cut through our yard.

I don't always think about it in the heat of the moment, but our kids see our reactions and they remember. Grace is a mimicker now, and she'll copy just about anything we do - good and bad.

As Christian parents we've made a commitment to raising Christian children, and while actions alone don't mean salvation, they certainly leave impressions with other people about how you live. Right or wrong, I know I've made my own determination about people who claim they are Christians and do things like use profanity like it's punctuation. I'm sure I've done things in my life (and probably recently) that leave people questioning my heart. As a parent I feel I need to be even more careful about how I handle things - with my children around me or not.

All this came to mind as I read my morning devotional, My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers. October 21st's entry is titled "Impulsiveness or Dicipleship?" Here's a quick excerpt:

"There was nothing of the nature of impulsive or thoughtless action about our Lord, but only a calm strength that never got into a panic. Most of us develop our Christianity along the lines of our own nature, not along the lines of God's nature. Impulsiveness is a trait of the natural life, and our Lord always ignores it, because it hinders the development of the life of a disciple."

There are may ways that can be interpreted and applied, but read through the lens of a parent, I must constantly check myself to make sure I'm reacting to situations or making decisions the way God wants me to.

After all, these really aren't our children. Their God's children. He's just letting us hold on to them for a little while, but it's up to us to make sure He gets them back.