How to be a Deployed Dad #1

One of my greatest worries about deploying was my ability to be involved in my children’s lives. I’ve written here before that my wife and I feel we are a strong enough couple to handle long-term separation having done it once before for a six-month stretch in 2008 - 2009. But, kids? They add a whole new dimension to being away.

Thank God for the USO.

They’ve made it possible to be that presence at home even though I am 7,000 miles away. They have this program called United Through Reading which exists to continue the ritual of reading to your kids. This is my favorite time of day with Grace and Timothy; I was probably most emotional about leaving them when I read “Goodnight Moon” to Grace on the last night before leaving.

With United Through Reading I was able to pick a book out of the library inside the USO, sit in front of a camera (in a comfy chair), and record myself reading to my kids. Of course, I added a little special message at the end just for them. The first book I read to them is my personal favorite, “Guess How Much I Love You” by Sam McBratney. It’s one of Grace’s favorites too, and I hope Timothy grows to love it as much as we do.  When I was done the USO staff packed up the recording (which is on DVD) and they’ll mail it back to the USO headquarters in Virginia. Volunteers will marry the recording up with a copy of the book for the kids and mail it off to them. They’ll have it in about a month. I can do this as often as I wish. All for free.

How cool is that?!

I’ve said it before (maybe not on this blog, but I have) that the USO, hands-down, is my favorite secular non-profit. Someday I will repay them for all they’ve done for me and my family, whether it’s through my time or financially or both. They really have a fantastic organization and mission.

I’m going to keep looking and posting ways deployed dads (and moms) can stay involved and lessen the difficulty of separation. Please share your ideas if you’ve gone through this too! You can post in the comments below or e-mail me at dadalogue@gmail.com.

In other news, I still haven’t adjusted to the time difference. My sleep is still messed up, so I’m wide away by 4:30 am. That has to change soon or I won’t be able to work without industrial barrel-sized amounts of coffee.

Finally, keep e-mailing me those prayer requests for my prayer runs! I’ll keep everything confidential, so you can tell me as much or as little as you want. Even if it’s just a line that says “Pray for me,” I will. God knows your heart and he’ll answer.

Sleepy time

If I had to rank which dad jobs are my favorite, near the top of my list would be nighttime reader/tucker-inner.

As Timothy gets older, I'm sure he'll be a part of my nightly routine, but right now it's a wonderful bonding time with my daughter. She loves her sleep, but she also loves the build up to when she gets to close her eyes.

Once she's in her pajamas we sit in the chair in her room. After snuggling in with me, she clutches on to her favorite blanket with one hand, grabs an end with another, and sticks her thumb in her mouth. (And, yes, I know thumb sucking is bad, it'll make her teeth crooked, blah, blah, blah. We all have our vices, we go easy on her on this one.) I ask her what book she wants to read, which begins the process of deciphering what she wants. There's a code:

"Mooooon" - Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown
"Aaa Bee Cee's" - Max's ABC's by Rosemary Wells
"Much" - Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney
"Manger" - An illustrated board book of Away in the Manger
"Pookie" - Night, Night Little Pookie by Sandra Boynton
"Time" - Pajama Time! by Sandra Boynton
"Mickey" - On the Go with Mickey Mouse by Disney
"Boom" - Mr. Brown's Book of Wonderful Noises by Dr. Seuss

Thankfully, I've mastered the code. It took me awhile, but after trial and error and her improving speech, I can tell what she wants. Heaven forbid you pull the wrong book out of the basket. There's no fooling Grace. If she says "Much" and I pull out "Moon," she will shove the garbage that is "Moon" away and repeat "Much, much, much, much, much" until she gets to hear the tale of Big Nutbrown Hare and Little Nutbrown Hare.  Once I'm finished, she'll say "one mooore," while holding up a finger. That one usually is "Moon." How quickly she forgets.

But we don't just read two books, Daddy's nighttime routine includes THREE classic tales. Recently, number three has been "Mickey."

But no matter the book, the cutest thing about reading to her is that she knows the stories by heart. If I leave the last word off a sentence, she'll finish it. Doesn't matter what book or what sentence. She'll make all the noises along with Dr. Seuss's Mr. Brown. It's fun to watch.

After books, comes night-night kisses where she insists on pointing out, naming, and kissing my nose, eyes, hair, ears, mouth, and mole (I know that last one is weird, and I'm not sure why she picked up on it). Then it's "one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!" as I swing her into her crib. I hand her her stuffed bear, and cover her with her blanket. I give her one final peck on the forehead and say "Night nights Grace. Sleep tight. I love you."

As I walk away, turn out the light and start closing the door, I'll usually hear back "Night nights Daddy. Vuvv ooh." And that makes my day.