Yes, my idea of entertainment is a good meal out.
Enter kids.
They change everything. Not always in a bad way, mind you, but since we've had children, going out to eat is a different experience and a different form of entertainment (both for us and the people around us).
Take last night for example. My grandmother has been in town for a few days and wanted to treat us to a meal. We chose P.F. Chang's because it's delicious yet kid friendly. As soon as we sit down, Grace attacks the kiddie menu with a crayon. Two seconds later, she's done and ready to get up. Of course we haven't even see our server yet, so this child is gonna hafta wait a couple hours.
My job as the one sitting next to her was to distract her by any means possible. This was a challenge as I was rifling through the diaper bag looking for something to give her to play with. She was getting impatient and starting to arch her back in her high chair. She threw the crayon and menu on the floor. I now feel people's eyes on our table.
Then I discovered that P.F. Chang's has chopsticks in their silverware roll-up they give you! Drum sticks! Perfect. Child one satisfied.
Timothy, however, was not happy. He was fussing because he was hungry. However he didn't want the bottle that we brought. In his mind he was thinking that Mommy was right there, so why should he have to settle for a bottle? He could get the milk right from its source. Apparently our four-month-old has a discerning palate already. This will be good when people try to tell him Outback has good steaks but not now. Not when we're trying to pass once-frozen milk off as fresh.
He also needed a diaper change. I took him since The Wife was in the corner of the booth. The baby pass over the top of the table (and the candle flame!) was successful. Baby and diaper changing accessories in hand, I made my way through the tables towards the restrooms. As a father, this walk to the bathroom is always done with a reoccurring thought: "Will this restaurant have a baby changing station in the men's room?"
I then have flashbacks to the time that Grace was two months old and had to change her in the four-inch space between two sinks. That was the time I discovered I could change a diaper with one hand as I supported her head with the other. That was also the only time I've ever come close to accidentally dropping one of our kids.
I am happy to report P.F. Chang's is one of the few restaurants that actually recognizes fathers as having an active roll in child raising. They have a changing station, and it works. It's not marked up with graffiti. The hinges work. Someone has cleaned it recently. Timothy and I are both happy - for a few minutes any way.
Back at the table, he got fussy again. He still wouldn't take the bottle from The Wife. Another baby pass over the table (there were about 15 this night) and back to me to try. He wouldn't take the bottle from me either, but I managed to get him to stop crying.
It's amazing what a father will do in public to keep their children happy. It's also amazing that I don't really care what people think either. Rousing renditions of the ABCs and "Pat-a-cake" with both kids drew laughter and smiles from them and certainly more than a few looks from people who would rather talk politics and sports rather than listen to my off-key singing. I should also mention I am a pro at the "bounce and shush." I spent a good portion of the meal standing and bouncing, rocking and swaying Timothy while humming and shushing in his ear to keep him quiet.
I should mention a couple things in closing. First, both of our kids are generally wonderful, obedient, and calm at restaurants. I know this because other diners have come up to tell us this. Secondly, Grace wound up settling in to her high chair captivity and even enjoyed her low mein noodles (she actually used chopsticks too!).
And it's watching moments like that that still make going out to eat one of life's great pleasures for me.
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