One small step for Toddlers, one giant leap (in the air) for Mommies!

Please welcome my first guest blogger to the site - my wife! While we're apart, I'm missing some of the big moments, so I asked her if she'd share her experiences here. Enjoy!


I was asked by The Huz to write a post because, well, it happened under my watch.

We purchased a child-sized potty for Grace months ago with intentions of potty training her, but the furthest we ever got was letting her sit on it with all her clothes on. This tactic was mainly used by me so I could keep my eye on her and not have to do the potty dance until The Huz got home from work.

She seemed to enjoy it, most of the time. She liked to read books while she sat down, and we did a lot of counting. We also had a mirror on the bathroom door, so she was able to have endless conversations with herself. All in all, it was a good start to the learning process.

And I really didn't want to do much more until we were settled at my parent's house. I can only imagine what would have happened if we were in the throws of potty training AND trying to move across the country to a new house, new room, and new people.

Now that we are here, and for the most part settled,  I upped the ante. Grace will now sit on her potty without her clothes on and count to ten or more, before she says she's all done. Then we will go through the motions of wiping, flushing, and washing our hands even though she has done nothing.

Until now that is.

This is how the whole thing went down:

Me: Grace, it's time to take a shower, let's try and go potty first.
Grace: All done (in a whiny voice).
Me: Come on, let's get your diaper off and just try to go potty.
Grace: Aaaaaaalll dooooone Mommy!
Me: (Sitting her on the potty) One, Two, Three...
Grace: Hokie Pokie, turn round Mommy?
Me: Nine, Ten. Okay let's get in the shower and clean up.
Grace: All done shower. ALL DONE SHOWER!!!
Me: (throwing her in the shower crying)


When we got out she was excited about being able to brush her teeth, comb her hair, and put lotion on. She was standing at the sink doing all this in only a towel until it started to fall off. At this point, I just gave up with the towel and let her finish naked - it's easier! But then we ended up having a little disagreement about how to brush our teeth and she started crying.

Then she got quiet, and we both watched as pee started trickling down her leg. I quickly sat her on the potty, and she didn't even mind the whiplash. What little pee was left landed in the little green potty! The bathroom quickly went from a crying room to a full on celebration!

Me: Grace, you went pee pee on the potty!!!
Grace: Pee pee on potty (very nonchalantly).
Me: I'm so proud of you! You did it! I love you so much (Lot's of kissing and hugging. Rinse and repeat about ten times).
Grace: Hokie Pokie, turn round Mommy?
Me: I can't wait to tell Daddy, he is going to be so proud of you!
Grace: (With increasing excitement) Talk Daddy, call DADDY, TALK DADDY!!!

We called Daddy right then and there. I let Grace tell him the good news, and the excitement he showed brought tears to my eyes. Once I got my composure and said good-bye, Grace was asking to call Grandpa and GG too. Why wouldn't everyone want to know about the good news? Grace was able to leave them both messages about going pee pee on the potty.

It was such an exciting accomplishment - mostly for Mommy - Grace could have cared less. She was more excited about being able to use the phone and picking out stickers.

We celebrated the occasion just like I had dreamed we would. Yes, I have dreamed of this moment a few times. And I can now say that my daughter used the potty for the first time. That's not only a huge accomplishment for a toddler, but for parents as well. Our daughter is growing up! It's the little things in life, no matter how they happened, that make us call everyone we know to celebrate!

I may have hyped it up a little too much though. Now when we get even remotely close to the bathroom she says, "All done Mommy." But I'll keep trying, even if she's crying her head off. Because that's how much I love her!

What I miss as a dad separated from his family

Do you know what the best thing about being away from your family is?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

At first, the idea of some peace and quiet was nice. A stay-cation of sorts. I could be on my own schedule, and watch what I wanted on TV. No more Yo Gabba Gabba for this dad. I could eat peanut butter straight out of the jar. I didn't have to wake up in the middle of the night for anything. I could let the dishes sit in the sink. There was no one to tell me what to do. This was all pretty cool.

For like an hour.

After that, I started craving things like a little girl running into the room with her blanket to climb up and snuggle on the couch with me. I crave giggles, smiles, laughs, coos, and yes, even crying. I crave my old routine. I crave reading the same book three times in a row before bed. I crave Goodnight Moon and goodnight kisses. I crave hugs. I crave little babies sleeping in my arms. I crave changing diapers. Well, lets be honest, maybe not that. I could do without changing diapers. But I crave those little ones that make such big messes. I crave hearing battery-operated children's toys that sing the ABC's and count to ten in Spanish. I crave talking to my wife face to face. I crave holding her hand. I crave seeing her when I walk in the door coming home from work. I crave having her close at night. I crave her poking me awake to go rock our son back to sleep. I crave giving her sleepy head a goodbye kiss in the morning. I crave leftovers for lunch.

I crave what I'm missing.

On my way to work I got a call from The Wife and Grace. Our almost two-year-old was excited to tell me that she "went pee pee in the potty." This was a first. I, of course, want to be there for that. Or at least hear about it in person. But, that's obviously not possible. I can't stop time. I can't tell Grace to stay little until I get back. I can't tell Timothy to not crawl and walk until I can cheer him on. I have to encourage them and cheer them on over the phone or through the computer.

Those video chats we do regularly keep me smiling. My daughter is learning quickly how to interact with me over the computer. We laugh and giggle and act silly just like if we were together. She couldn't wait to show me how she does the Hokey Pokey. Timothy is learning how to wave and clap. It's all fun to watch, and those chats are the highlight of my day.

But of course, there are dinners to make, baths to be had, and bedtime for little ones. The call has to end at some point. And when it does, our now empty house is once again quiet. And I go back to eating peanut butter straight from the jar.

The perfect gift idea for a family man to his wife

If you're like me, the challenge of finding the perfect gift for your wife can be a daunting, but ultimately rewarding, endeavor.

Sure, there are the old standbys: flowers, chocolates, gift certificates. They bring a smile to her face, they're appreciated. But honestly they lack personality, thoughtfulness, and originality. I've given all these to my wife and I know she likes them, but I really love wowing her. I love giving her that gift that takes her breath away or puts a tear in her eye.

I think I got it right this past Christmas.

I asked my friend and fellow blogger Lindsay at Mulberry Street Productions to put together a montage of our wedding day photos and video. She didn't disappoint. This is what I gave my wife:

This video not only was a hit with my wife, it was great for me. I look back at our wedding day in my mind's eye and I see highlights: How beautiful she looked walking down the aisle; our vows; our mom's messages to us; the ukelele; dancing out of the church; the best man speech; our first dance; sneaking outside during the reception to look in on the scene of happiness (a piece of advice given to us by Lindsay, actually) But when I saw the montage for the first time I was able to see little details of those moments that my own (poor) memory has now glazed over. I got to relive the day.

It's been said many times by many people, but the greatest things in life aren't things at all. They're the people we love. That's why this video is something my wife and I will treasure for the rest of our lives. It's a perfect representation of our happiest day.

Is Tebow good for our children?

I admit, I've caught Tebowitis or Tebowmania or Tebowrama ... whatever it's called, I have it.

I love the fact that Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow is baffling sports pundits and haters as to his success, despite their so-called "statistical proof" he's bad. I love his humble attitude on the field, and his coolness during press conferences. And I especially love his public displays of his faith in Jesus Christ - Tebowing as it's now called.

He's a polarizing figure which makes for really good water cooler discussions. He's also a great segue for Christians to share their faith without coming across as too preachy or pushy.  But all this hype, and an e-mail from my grandmother, got me to thinking is he a good role model for our kids? Is he taking away something that should be a parent's role? Is the religious hype surrounding him misguided?

Tebow is in the same shoes (or cleats, as it were) thousands of athletes and other celebrities have worn -  he is looked up to and idolized by millions for the mere fact he's in the public spotlight. It doesn't hurt that he's squeaky clean too. Back in my preteen days, that guy was Michael Jordan (remember the "I Wanna be Like Mike" Gatorade commercial?). For a Christian kid it's gotta be huge to be able to have someone who is outspoken about their faith, but is still considered "cool." As Christian parents, it's easy to let our kids get caught up in the hype without so much as talking to them about it.

I question how healthy it is for kids to idolizing a famous person no matter how wholesome they seem. Not that long ago, many admirers were crushed when they found out about Tiger Woods' marital indiscretions. I certainly didn't see that coming. But his case serves as a good example of what happens when you put your faith in or idolize someone other than God.

I just got finished reading the book of Judges for my quiet time. This whole book in the Bible is devoted to how time and time again God's people strayed away and worshiped false idols, then paid a hefty price when their enemies killed or enslaved them. It was only through God's forgiveness were they able to live peacefully.

I doubt Tebow views himself as a worshiped idol (even though he may be to some), but I also think that he's very careful about the image he portrays. That's a lot of pressure for one person. There are people out there watching and waiting for him to make one little slip-up so they can exploit it. And frankly, he probably will. He's human. He's not Jesus Christ - the only perfect being to walk on this earth. I can also see many people getting upset for whatever that mistake is. If history is any indication, instead of forgiving Tebow, they'll unfairly blame him for letting them and their kids down.

As Christian parents, we need to strive to be our children's role models. It's too important of a job to leave for someone we see on TV, no matter how charming they appear. Kids catch mere glimpses of their favorite celebrity's life. However, they see everything we do, they hear everything we say. For those of us who've dedicated our children at church, we vowed before our God and our congregation to raise them in a Christian household with Christian values. We didn't vow that job on someone else.

The other part of this is when we let our kids listen to the unfiltered public conversation about Tebow's faith, they're hearing mass media's take on religion - not the truth. That e-mail my grandmother sent was a "Stillspeaking Daily Devotional" she gets. In it Lillian Daniel, a minister for a First Congregational Church, asserts that it's flawed theology to think that Tim Tebow is winning because he has God's favor (an assertion made by Tebow's pastor). I know that pastor isn't the only one - my Facebook feed explodes with that thinking every time Tebow wins (After a loss we all saw something like, "Guess God is a Patriots fan. LOL.") Daniel said there are no doubt others out there praying just as hard for the opposing teams. Why didn't they win the games? 

Things like touchdowns are "human affairs," she wrote. "God doesn't reward one player with a touchdown and curse another. God gives us the instructions on how to withstand the hard times, and how to withstand the good times, with these wise words from Micah: do justice, love mercy and walk humbly with your God."

Daniel makes a very good point. The Broncos aren't winning because Tebow is Christian and he prays really hard for a win. But that's the tone the national conversation is taking as to the reason behind his supposed out-of-nowhere success. With that thinking, we'd all just have to pray for our millions of dollars, big homes, and perfect families. God simply doesn't work that way.

No doubt, God is doing some awesome things in Tim Tebow's life. He's probably got some big plans for the young quarterback. Maybe he's the tool God will use to spread the gospel to those who see their couch as the pew and Mike Ditka as their pastor. I don't know. I look forward to watching what happens.

What I do know is that God didn't intend is for Tebow to be the one we go to. We find that by Tebowing - getting down on one knee, bowing our head, and praying to our Father.

The power of technology

I've often wondered how families separated kept in touch before the days of high-speed Internet connections. I mean, I know they had letters and phone calls, but video calls are amazing. They shorten the distance between people.

This morning, at 6, I enjoyed a cup of coffee my daughter "poured" for me. She was asking my wife for me this morning, so we were able to get on Skype and chat for a few minutes before my quiet time and having to get ready for work. Part of that chat was a virtual tea party.

There's Internet where I'm going, so we'll be able to have more of these parties as the year goes on. But, I wonder, will being able to see my family but not being able to touch them make the separation harder? What do you think?

Starting the year off right

I start off this new year alone. But I’m not going to let that fact bring me (or you) down.

As I type, it’s New Year’s Day and I’m sitting in an airport waiting for a flight that will undo in 6 hours what took my family and me 6 days to do – cross the country. However, I don’t have my travel companions with me for this trip. I left my wife, two children, and dog with her parents as I finish up the last bit of training and preparations for a year-long deployment.

It probably goes without saying that I’m sad about all of this. No one – at least those with happy marriages – asks to be separated from their loved ones for long periods of time. But it’s simply a reality we’ve come to accept. We both compartmentalized the feelings; the reality really hasn’t sunk in for my wife or me yet.

And not to sound insensitive, but it’s not my wife I really worry about. We’ve done this before. We endured a six-month deployment the first year we got married. We made it through. I would even say our relationship grew stronger because of the first deployment. We didn’t waste time quarreling about things our first year. We talked. We got to know each other better through almost daily conversations on video chat and the phone. We didn’t want to waste those precious moments we had together disagreeing. We wanted to talk about everything else. And we did.

But, as I’ve said before, this deployment is two kids later. They need me to hold them. To play with them. To teach them. To be a dad. My fear is that “Daddy” will become something else my daughter sees on the computer or TV, not unlike Mickey Mouse. When I come home, my son will have known a digital version of me more than the real me. There’s undoubtedly going to be a major adjustment for all of us when I get back.

My wife and I will be fine. Sure, there will be near-unbearable days. Those days where both of us will want to throw in the towel and quit this challenge God has laid out for us. But we’ll talk it out. We’ll get through it. We’ll pray for each other and encourage each other the way we always do.

In that light, I want to lay out my goals for 2012. These aren’t resolutions. The last New Year’s resolution I made (about a decade ago) was to not make any more New Year’s resolutions. So these are goals.  Instead of poo-hooing what’s bound to be a lonely year, I’m going to make the best of it. Through that, hopefully my wife and I will be the nucleus for an even stronger family in 2013.

The list:

• I will not feel sorry for myself.

Hundreds of thousands of people have done exactly what we’re doing now. While challenging and awkward, deployments aren’t new. Many have endured much more than us and come out the other end just fine.

• I will not allow you to feel sorry for me. 

Yes, I’ll use this blog to talk about the difficulties of separation and my feelings about being a parent from 7,000 miles away, but I won’t do so I can host a pity party. Please, pray for my family and me. Please offer encouragement and advice, but please don’t feel sorry. We picked this life, and my wife and I are honored to serve this country in the roles we’re in.

• I will study more of God’s word.

I’ve been pretty regular with reading the Bible, but I want to get more out of my daily quiet time. I want to emerge a better Christian, husband, and leader because of my relationship with Christ.

• I will write more.

This could be for the blog. This could be for other personal reasons. But, since I started doing this page a few months ago, I’ve rediscovered writing as a creative outlet and stress reducer. I’m going to need both.

• I will watch less.

I like TV, and they’ve got it in Afghanistan, but I use the tube as a way to pass more time than I probably should. Maybe engaging in more stimulating things in my downtime while deployed will produce a more creative, thoughtful me.

• I will be more organized and focus on routine.

I have a habit of getting a good idea, sticking with it for a few days and then getting lazy. Maybe if I focus on developing good habits, I’ll learn to stick with things a bit longer. Not only is this a good personal goal, it will help pass time more quickly. If I focus on what I’m doing, there will be less time for my mind to dwell on other things.

• I will strive to be a role model for others when it comes to dealing with being a deployed family man.

So many people in the military divorce or have strained relationships. Multiple deployments and the tough-guy culture don’t help. If I can have a good attitude, instead of being negative about the situation, maybe others can feed off of that and do the same.

• I will be the best Dad I can be, no matter where I am.

I will always have time for them, and I will seek ways to be that father figure they need. Even virtually.

• I will be the best husband I can be, no matter where I am.

I will make sure my wife knows how much I love her and how amazing I think she is. She’ll still need me (and I her), and I will make sure I don’t let her down.

There. A list. You can hold me to it too. So with goals (not resolutions) laid out in digital stone, here’s to 2012!