Starting the year off right

I start off this new year alone. But I’m not going to let that fact bring me (or you) down.

As I type, it’s New Year’s Day and I’m sitting in an airport waiting for a flight that will undo in 6 hours what took my family and me 6 days to do – cross the country. However, I don’t have my travel companions with me for this trip. I left my wife, two children, and dog with her parents as I finish up the last bit of training and preparations for a year-long deployment.

It probably goes without saying that I’m sad about all of this. No one – at least those with happy marriages – asks to be separated from their loved ones for long periods of time. But it’s simply a reality we’ve come to accept. We both compartmentalized the feelings; the reality really hasn’t sunk in for my wife or me yet.

And not to sound insensitive, but it’s not my wife I really worry about. We’ve done this before. We endured a six-month deployment the first year we got married. We made it through. I would even say our relationship grew stronger because of the first deployment. We didn’t waste time quarreling about things our first year. We talked. We got to know each other better through almost daily conversations on video chat and the phone. We didn’t want to waste those precious moments we had together disagreeing. We wanted to talk about everything else. And we did.

But, as I’ve said before, this deployment is two kids later. They need me to hold them. To play with them. To teach them. To be a dad. My fear is that “Daddy” will become something else my daughter sees on the computer or TV, not unlike Mickey Mouse. When I come home, my son will have known a digital version of me more than the real me. There’s undoubtedly going to be a major adjustment for all of us when I get back.

My wife and I will be fine. Sure, there will be near-unbearable days. Those days where both of us will want to throw in the towel and quit this challenge God has laid out for us. But we’ll talk it out. We’ll get through it. We’ll pray for each other and encourage each other the way we always do.

In that light, I want to lay out my goals for 2012. These aren’t resolutions. The last New Year’s resolution I made (about a decade ago) was to not make any more New Year’s resolutions. So these are goals.  Instead of poo-hooing what’s bound to be a lonely year, I’m going to make the best of it. Through that, hopefully my wife and I will be the nucleus for an even stronger family in 2013.

The list:

• I will not feel sorry for myself.

Hundreds of thousands of people have done exactly what we’re doing now. While challenging and awkward, deployments aren’t new. Many have endured much more than us and come out the other end just fine.

• I will not allow you to feel sorry for me. 

Yes, I’ll use this blog to talk about the difficulties of separation and my feelings about being a parent from 7,000 miles away, but I won’t do so I can host a pity party. Please, pray for my family and me. Please offer encouragement and advice, but please don’t feel sorry. We picked this life, and my wife and I are honored to serve this country in the roles we’re in.

• I will study more of God’s word.

I’ve been pretty regular with reading the Bible, but I want to get more out of my daily quiet time. I want to emerge a better Christian, husband, and leader because of my relationship with Christ.

• I will write more.

This could be for the blog. This could be for other personal reasons. But, since I started doing this page a few months ago, I’ve rediscovered writing as a creative outlet and stress reducer. I’m going to need both.

• I will watch less.

I like TV, and they’ve got it in Afghanistan, but I use the tube as a way to pass more time than I probably should. Maybe engaging in more stimulating things in my downtime while deployed will produce a more creative, thoughtful me.

• I will be more organized and focus on routine.

I have a habit of getting a good idea, sticking with it for a few days and then getting lazy. Maybe if I focus on developing good habits, I’ll learn to stick with things a bit longer. Not only is this a good personal goal, it will help pass time more quickly. If I focus on what I’m doing, there will be less time for my mind to dwell on other things.

• I will strive to be a role model for others when it comes to dealing with being a deployed family man.

So many people in the military divorce or have strained relationships. Multiple deployments and the tough-guy culture don’t help. If I can have a good attitude, instead of being negative about the situation, maybe others can feed off of that and do the same.

• I will be the best Dad I can be, no matter where I am.

I will always have time for them, and I will seek ways to be that father figure they need. Even virtually.

• I will be the best husband I can be, no matter where I am.

I will make sure my wife knows how much I love her and how amazing I think she is. She’ll still need me (and I her), and I will make sure I don’t let her down.

There. A list. You can hold me to it too. So with goals (not resolutions) laid out in digital stone, here’s to 2012!