Is Tebow good for our children?

I admit, I've caught Tebowitis or Tebowmania or Tebowrama ... whatever it's called, I have it.

I love the fact that Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow is baffling sports pundits and haters as to his success, despite their so-called "statistical proof" he's bad. I love his humble attitude on the field, and his coolness during press conferences. And I especially love his public displays of his faith in Jesus Christ - Tebowing as it's now called.

He's a polarizing figure which makes for really good water cooler discussions. He's also a great segue for Christians to share their faith without coming across as too preachy or pushy.  But all this hype, and an e-mail from my grandmother, got me to thinking is he a good role model for our kids? Is he taking away something that should be a parent's role? Is the religious hype surrounding him misguided?

Tebow is in the same shoes (or cleats, as it were) thousands of athletes and other celebrities have worn -  he is looked up to and idolized by millions for the mere fact he's in the public spotlight. It doesn't hurt that he's squeaky clean too. Back in my preteen days, that guy was Michael Jordan (remember the "I Wanna be Like Mike" Gatorade commercial?). For a Christian kid it's gotta be huge to be able to have someone who is outspoken about their faith, but is still considered "cool." As Christian parents, it's easy to let our kids get caught up in the hype without so much as talking to them about it.

I question how healthy it is for kids to idolizing a famous person no matter how wholesome they seem. Not that long ago, many admirers were crushed when they found out about Tiger Woods' marital indiscretions. I certainly didn't see that coming. But his case serves as a good example of what happens when you put your faith in or idolize someone other than God.

I just got finished reading the book of Judges for my quiet time. This whole book in the Bible is devoted to how time and time again God's people strayed away and worshiped false idols, then paid a hefty price when their enemies killed or enslaved them. It was only through God's forgiveness were they able to live peacefully.

I doubt Tebow views himself as a worshiped idol (even though he may be to some), but I also think that he's very careful about the image he portrays. That's a lot of pressure for one person. There are people out there watching and waiting for him to make one little slip-up so they can exploit it. And frankly, he probably will. He's human. He's not Jesus Christ - the only perfect being to walk on this earth. I can also see many people getting upset for whatever that mistake is. If history is any indication, instead of forgiving Tebow, they'll unfairly blame him for letting them and their kids down.

As Christian parents, we need to strive to be our children's role models. It's too important of a job to leave for someone we see on TV, no matter how charming they appear. Kids catch mere glimpses of their favorite celebrity's life. However, they see everything we do, they hear everything we say. For those of us who've dedicated our children at church, we vowed before our God and our congregation to raise them in a Christian household with Christian values. We didn't vow that job on someone else.

The other part of this is when we let our kids listen to the unfiltered public conversation about Tebow's faith, they're hearing mass media's take on religion - not the truth. That e-mail my grandmother sent was a "Stillspeaking Daily Devotional" she gets. In it Lillian Daniel, a minister for a First Congregational Church, asserts that it's flawed theology to think that Tim Tebow is winning because he has God's favor (an assertion made by Tebow's pastor). I know that pastor isn't the only one - my Facebook feed explodes with that thinking every time Tebow wins (After a loss we all saw something like, "Guess God is a Patriots fan. LOL.") Daniel said there are no doubt others out there praying just as hard for the opposing teams. Why didn't they win the games? 

Things like touchdowns are "human affairs," she wrote. "God doesn't reward one player with a touchdown and curse another. God gives us the instructions on how to withstand the hard times, and how to withstand the good times, with these wise words from Micah: do justice, love mercy and walk humbly with your God."

Daniel makes a very good point. The Broncos aren't winning because Tebow is Christian and he prays really hard for a win. But that's the tone the national conversation is taking as to the reason behind his supposed out-of-nowhere success. With that thinking, we'd all just have to pray for our millions of dollars, big homes, and perfect families. God simply doesn't work that way.

No doubt, God is doing some awesome things in Tim Tebow's life. He's probably got some big plans for the young quarterback. Maybe he's the tool God will use to spread the gospel to those who see their couch as the pew and Mike Ditka as their pastor. I don't know. I look forward to watching what happens.

What I do know is that God didn't intend is for Tebow to be the one we go to. We find that by Tebowing - getting down on one knee, bowing our head, and praying to our Father.

The power of technology

I've often wondered how families separated kept in touch before the days of high-speed Internet connections. I mean, I know they had letters and phone calls, but video calls are amazing. They shorten the distance between people.

This morning, at 6, I enjoyed a cup of coffee my daughter "poured" for me. She was asking my wife for me this morning, so we were able to get on Skype and chat for a few minutes before my quiet time and having to get ready for work. Part of that chat was a virtual tea party.

There's Internet where I'm going, so we'll be able to have more of these parties as the year goes on. But, I wonder, will being able to see my family but not being able to touch them make the separation harder? What do you think?

Starting the year off right

I start off this new year alone. But I’m not going to let that fact bring me (or you) down.

As I type, it’s New Year’s Day and I’m sitting in an airport waiting for a flight that will undo in 6 hours what took my family and me 6 days to do – cross the country. However, I don’t have my travel companions with me for this trip. I left my wife, two children, and dog with her parents as I finish up the last bit of training and preparations for a year-long deployment.

It probably goes without saying that I’m sad about all of this. No one – at least those with happy marriages – asks to be separated from their loved ones for long periods of time. But it’s simply a reality we’ve come to accept. We both compartmentalized the feelings; the reality really hasn’t sunk in for my wife or me yet.

And not to sound insensitive, but it’s not my wife I really worry about. We’ve done this before. We endured a six-month deployment the first year we got married. We made it through. I would even say our relationship grew stronger because of the first deployment. We didn’t waste time quarreling about things our first year. We talked. We got to know each other better through almost daily conversations on video chat and the phone. We didn’t want to waste those precious moments we had together disagreeing. We wanted to talk about everything else. And we did.

But, as I’ve said before, this deployment is two kids later. They need me to hold them. To play with them. To teach them. To be a dad. My fear is that “Daddy” will become something else my daughter sees on the computer or TV, not unlike Mickey Mouse. When I come home, my son will have known a digital version of me more than the real me. There’s undoubtedly going to be a major adjustment for all of us when I get back.

My wife and I will be fine. Sure, there will be near-unbearable days. Those days where both of us will want to throw in the towel and quit this challenge God has laid out for us. But we’ll talk it out. We’ll get through it. We’ll pray for each other and encourage each other the way we always do.

In that light, I want to lay out my goals for 2012. These aren’t resolutions. The last New Year’s resolution I made (about a decade ago) was to not make any more New Year’s resolutions. So these are goals.  Instead of poo-hooing what’s bound to be a lonely year, I’m going to make the best of it. Through that, hopefully my wife and I will be the nucleus for an even stronger family in 2013.

The list:

• I will not feel sorry for myself.

Hundreds of thousands of people have done exactly what we’re doing now. While challenging and awkward, deployments aren’t new. Many have endured much more than us and come out the other end just fine.

• I will not allow you to feel sorry for me. 

Yes, I’ll use this blog to talk about the difficulties of separation and my feelings about being a parent from 7,000 miles away, but I won’t do so I can host a pity party. Please, pray for my family and me. Please offer encouragement and advice, but please don’t feel sorry. We picked this life, and my wife and I are honored to serve this country in the roles we’re in.

• I will study more of God’s word.

I’ve been pretty regular with reading the Bible, but I want to get more out of my daily quiet time. I want to emerge a better Christian, husband, and leader because of my relationship with Christ.

• I will write more.

This could be for the blog. This could be for other personal reasons. But, since I started doing this page a few months ago, I’ve rediscovered writing as a creative outlet and stress reducer. I’m going to need both.

• I will watch less.

I like TV, and they’ve got it in Afghanistan, but I use the tube as a way to pass more time than I probably should. Maybe engaging in more stimulating things in my downtime while deployed will produce a more creative, thoughtful me.

• I will be more organized and focus on routine.

I have a habit of getting a good idea, sticking with it for a few days and then getting lazy. Maybe if I focus on developing good habits, I’ll learn to stick with things a bit longer. Not only is this a good personal goal, it will help pass time more quickly. If I focus on what I’m doing, there will be less time for my mind to dwell on other things.

• I will strive to be a role model for others when it comes to dealing with being a deployed family man.

So many people in the military divorce or have strained relationships. Multiple deployments and the tough-guy culture don’t help. If I can have a good attitude, instead of being negative about the situation, maybe others can feed off of that and do the same.

• I will be the best Dad I can be, no matter where I am.

I will always have time for them, and I will seek ways to be that father figure they need. Even virtually.

• I will be the best husband I can be, no matter where I am.

I will make sure my wife knows how much I love her and how amazing I think she is. She’ll still need me (and I her), and I will make sure I don’t let her down.

There. A list. You can hold me to it too. So with goals (not resolutions) laid out in digital stone, here’s to 2012!

Christmas is *sigh* over

With all the buildup, planning, shopping, wrapping, traveling, anticipation, excitement, stress, exhaustion, and joy, Christmas is *snap* over just like that.

It was nice waking up in my childhood home and coming down to this first thing Christmas morning:


It was a good scene to see after 3,000 miles on the road and more energy devoted to that and all the other details of our move than to Christmas.

Now, in the post-holiday lull, I'm trying to figure out how to slow time down and savor every moment I can with my family.

I'll probably see ya'all in the new year.

Dadalogue on the Road: Day 5

Thankfully, this was an easy day.  The night, once again, not so much.

We all slept in (including Timothy!), had a leisurely morning at the hotel, and got on the road by 11. We were in Cincinnati before dinner. Originally we had planned to make it all the way from Nashville to Grandma's house outside of Cleveland, but after several long days in the car another 12 hours in the car would have made us go completely nuts.

So with the extra day, it's only a four-hour drive before my grandma will get to see her great grandkids. She hasn't seen Grace since she was 6 months old, and she's never met Timothy, so I'm looking forward to that.

So about last night. It must be hotel rooms and the fact we are all in the same space that has made Grace a terror at night recently. It's late. We all want to sleep. We start our quiet time night routine, and she decides to freak out. It's a good thing this hotel was practically deserted because if anyone else heard her crying and screaming it probably would've warranted a visit from the cops - or worse - child protective services.

However, the only crime committed was Daddy was reading and singing to her, not Mommy. All she wanted was Mommy. Until Mommy held her. Then all she wanted was Daddy. We couldn't win, but we did eventually get her somewhat consoled, so we put her in her pack and play.

Bad idea. The screaming came back with a vengeance. Since there really was no one else around we decided to let her cry it out. Another bad idea. She has more endurance than we do plus it woke Timothy up. Twenty minutes later, into our bed she came. Finally, completely exhausted, she passed out between us.

As parents, we've talked a lot about how we'd handle tantrums and fussiness. We wouldn't be like other parents and give in to our child's demands. No way our child was getting what she wanted acting like that. Talk is cheap though. We've never had those hypothetical discussions at 11 o'clock at night with a screaming child, and all we want is sleep. That child could have a flying pony if she asked for it.

Don't get me wrong. Neither of us want to tolerate bad behavior or encourage bad habits, but there is a certain amount of compromise you have to make in unusual situations - like 4 people and a dog in a tiny hotel room. Sure kid, if it'll make you happy, snuggle in bed with Mommy and Daddy.

Where this all gets difficult is in public. Like I said, we don't want to encourage or allow tantrums. And when our child acts out, we want to stop it. However, both of us are so nervous to do anything other than talk calmly to Grace in those situations. This doesn't work because reasoning with a two-year-old, for those of you without a two-year-old, is impossible.

I'm not saying we want to spank. I'm saying we want to use a voice above a conversational volume with words that show displeasure with the behavior. But where's the line? Where's the balance? You don't want to overdo it and draw attention to your parenting. Having to defend your own behavior as a parent is not something I want to do. There are a lot of overly sensitive people out there and I may cross a line in their mind before I ever get close to my own. It's a whole new layer to parenting that's been added in the last generation or so.

But, we'll figure it out. And I'm sure our kids will turn out just fine, even as proud owners of flying ponies.

Well, these "On the Road" posts were supposed to be a travel log of sorts, and it seems that I've gone and detoured way off the highway. I'll be back in a couple days with a wrap up of days 5 and 6.

Dadalogue on the Road: Day 4

Two impressions about Arkansas:

It has nice roads and a weird fashion sense.

The highways were the quietest and smoothest I've seen on this trip. Road quality, especially after logging 2,000 miles in four days, is a big deal to me.

As for the fashion, I've never been somewhere where hunting camouflage is worn as a normal, daily article of clothing. Uggs and Realtree don't mix. Unless you live in Arkansas. I saw a lot of people in camouflage and not a lot of gun racks. Make fun of my polo shirts all you want, but suiting up like your going duck hunting and going anywhere else instead is just plain weird.

The kids did great today. After yesterday's outbursts and lack of sleep they were too tired to be bad. This worked out for me; I got a good hundred and fifty miles in before they started to stir. But even when both kids were awake, they seemed happy. It could be that they've resigned themselves to the reality that they're not going anywhere. The minivan is now their home, so they believe.

Actually, that's probably not too far from the truth. Besides overnights, we've been living out of it. It's our kitchen, living room, and changing station on wheels. Today certainly proved that to me. Like when I took Grace out of her car seat and noticed that she had amassed more varieties of food than a Chinese lunch buffet. I pulled out Cheerios, veggie sticks, mashed fruits, a tator tot, and the remnants of one of those veggie pouches just to name a few. We've eaten a lot of meals on the road.

With all this eating means our fair share of diaper changes. And when one doesn't exist at one of our rest stops, the driver seat has doubled as the changing station. Today I had the honor and privilege of cleaning up one of Timothy's trademark diaper blowouts. This one required about 50 wipes and a full wardrobe change. That's difficult enough as is, but as I'm trying to undress and clean him he's grabbing a hold of the steering wheel and pulling himself up. Poop was everywhere and all he wanted to do was drive.

I finally did get him cleaned up and was finishing putting him in new clothes when it suddenly started to rain. Hard. I'm standing outside the van, he's still squirming on the seat. I quickly jumped in, butt towards the steering wheel, hunched over him trying to get his onesie on. This didn't work out too well for me. But instead of helping, the Wife was laughing hysterically.

Yeah. Real funny.

That was the highlight of her day.

My highlight was our lunch stop in Memphis. We stopped at Tom's BBQ which was featured on Food Network a couple of times. I was really impressed. The food was amazing, as I expected it to be, but the service was what made it really special to me. 

When we showed up, Tom was coming in too. He held the door and thanked us for coming as we struggled with the kids and their dining accessories (portable highchair, diaper bag, Grace's blanket). Then, as I was paying, the cashier asked if this was our first time at Tom's. It was, so she told us she'd send out a special treat to our table. The special treat was a good-sized portion of their dry-rubbed ribs. Then, as we were leaving, we saw Tom outside again. I rolled down my window to tell him how much we enjoyed the meal. He asked us where we were headed, and told us the best way to get back to I-40. But the topper was that he then walked out into the middle of the very busy street to block oncoming traffic so we could get to the other side of the road. A pit master, gentleman, and traffic cop. I can't wait to go back.

The rest of the drive was uneventful, except for more rain. We're in Nashville now, which I'm pretty excited about. Tomorrow's drive is pretty short, so maybe we'll have a chance to do a little exploring. Or maybe I'll just sleep in.

Cincinnati bound ...

Dadalogue on the Road: Day 3

The kids finally snapped. I was hoping we'd have perfect little angels the whole way, but keeping them cooped up in car seats has finally done them in. Grace showed her ugly side - throwing a tantrum in McDonald's for lunch and a mini tantrum at the restaurant we ate at for dinner. We were that family today.

I know it's probably not as big of a deal as I'm making it out to be. As my level-headed wife points out, we'll never see those people again, our kids are weary from traveling, and they were nice enough to take a credit card to pay for all the damages.

Okay, I'm kidding on that last part. There were no damages, except for maybe my pride. I just want my two-year-old to instinctively understand how to behave in public. Pshaw to actually teaching her these things. My lack of tolerance for her behavior probably mostly stems from my exhaustion of being on the road and not so much on her actual actions.

In the minivan, things weren't much better than they were in the restaurants. Sure, the two little ones were restrained, but their crying in stereo was the perfect accompaniment to the rain from downpour I drove through the entire day. All 560 miles was done with my wipers whipping. The Wife, amazing as usual, sat in the cramped micro-seat between the two little ones - holding a teether for Timothy with one hand while reading a book to Grace with the other. She handled the situation and got me a few hours of quiet so I could concentrate on the road.

The only bright side of the day was that at least the rain wasn't the blizzard I was trying to out-drive. We left at 6:30 this morning so we wouldn't get stuck in this. We got several calls of concern wondering if we were some of those stranded motorists.

No. We're fine. I don't even think I could fathom what being stranded with Jekyll and Hyde would be like.

But, after a long day on the road, we're safely in a comfortable hotel room. Timothy is finally sleeping. He seems to be recovering well from the day's travels. For Grace, however, the night is young. She's free from her restraints. It may be 10 o'clock, but like a college freshman, that's when the night begins. It's time to party!

Pray for patience for the parents.