Dadalogue Deployed: Another week down

Another week down in Afghanistan.

In some respects the days seem to be going by faster. This week and the last have flown by. In other respects it seems like I’ve been here an eternity. The reality is it’s only been 2 months.

I think this phenomenon comes depending on what time of day it is. If it’s the day time, and I’m working, I stay so busy and focused that when I look up, 12 hours have passed. I go back to my tent, hop on FaceTime (when the Internet cooperates) and try talking with the wife and kids.

I see Grace dancing around the house, singing songs, and talking a mile a minute. Her vocabulary and ability to communicate is far more advanced then when I last saw her. Timothy, the little baby boy I held in my arms and who did little more than slept all day, is now crawling and trying to keep up with his big sister. He’s not so little anymore. Grace looks more and more like a little lady and less like a baby every time I see her on during video chats. Timothy waves and sits up on his own and feeds himself.

Two months. And that’s all happened.

It is fun to watch though. The Wife has sent plenty of pictures and videos. She even caught Timothy’s first crawl on video. Even though I wasn’t there, I was still happy to be able to see it. I probably watched that short clip a dozen times when I first got it. Way to go, kiddo!

Yes, my family is doing great things. Growing, learning, and handling the separation as well as anyone could expect. True, I am a little jealous that I’m physically not there to see everything happen and be a direct part in it, but I am happy that time hasn’t stood still either – everyone is trying to be as normal as possible.

I just hope though that when I close my eyes tonight and wake up tomorrow, 10 months will have passed.

Dadalogue Deployed: Easter Sunday

He is risen!

Happy Easter to everyone.  It’s the day Christ rose from the dead after being crucified on the cross - a magnificent sacrifice so that we may have eternal life. That is never far from my mind, Easter Sunday or not.

In Afghanistan, most don’t hear about this Good News. A little Internet research shows the Christian population of Afghanistan to range between 0.02% and 0.05%. Full disclosure: This was a quick search. I didn’t dig very deep. However, my educated guess is that, that percentage is pretty accurate.

Still, in the midst of a Christ-less country, there is a safe haven for Christians. A place we can go and worship. Nearly every base here has a chapel. They’re multi-denominational, but each Sunday chaplains hold a Christian service. This past Holy Week, there were several services, including one on Good Friday.

If it’s anything like the past, today, there are probably chaplains all over this country flying to remote, dangerous locations to provide Easter services to troops who don’t have the luxury of a regular chaplain.

 I think it’s great how the military cares so much about our spiritual wellbeing. But what’s even more fascinating is that there are people who are called to serve God as chaplains. Chaplains risk their lives to make sure we have the opportunity to worship God in a communal setting. They preach the Word while the fight goes on around them, yet they are not armed with a weapon. They don’t have to be here – they could be back in the U.S. standing behind a pulpit that isn’t made out of scrap plywood. They could be going home to a comfortable bed every night, yet they’re here with us, living out of the same tents we do. They could have easily picked a safer way to answer God’s call to serve. But they didn’t. They heard God speak, and they obeyed.

And, here we are - standing, singing, praising God in the middle of a country where 99.95% of the people don’t know that Jesus saves. We hear the Word, and we are fed. It’s refreshing, recharging, and encouraging.

So while I may not have an Easter egg hunt and a basket full of chocolate bunnies, jelly beans and Peeps this year, I’m certainly getting what’s most important: A chance to corporately worship and celebrate the fact that Christ is risen.

He is risen indeed!

Dadalogue deployed: Eating with the Afghans

Greetings from the other side of the world.

It’s been a good week, although the days seem to run together. I though Friday was Sunday, Saturday was Tuesday. What day it is doesn’t really matter though. Except Sundays. I get to sleep in a little bit and go to work a little later. Then there’s church in the evening. It’s Palm Sunday today, the start of the most holy week, so I’ll be extra sure not to miss it.

On this Palm Sunday I am thinking about my family too. Every year, on Palm Sunday or Easter, for the past 7 years or so, my grandmother has treated our family to a large lunch at this restaurant and Inn near my hometown.

To say the meals are delectable is an understatement. They are simply the best meals I’ve ever eaten. 

This year, I’ll miss the warm popovers with lemon curd and the special Sunday menu the chef 

prepares. Last year it was ostrich tenderloin for me. Other years I’ve had bison steak, duck, and lamb. The lobster bisque has chunks of meat floating in it. I’ve never forgotten a meal we’ve eaten there.

The building is an old historic landmark with fireplaces in every room. When we start going, it was only a handful of us: my grandmother (Mom Mom), my parents, sister, my aunt and uncle, and my great uncle. I’ve brought a friend before, a fellow Marine, and my sister brought a couple people from time to time too. But, the immediate family has certainly grown over the last several years.

My sister got married. Then the next year, her first born was there. Then I got married. Then we had a child. Then my sister had another baby. This year will be our 9-month-old Timothy’s first time. Next year, my sister will have another one. We’ve grown so much as a family, they have to give us a whole room to ourselves. It’s probably better that way too. We like to laugh.

I’ll miss it this year. It may be “Southern cooking day” at the chow hall today – which means some kind of boiled meat slathered in BBQ sauce – but it doesn’t hold a candle to the pheasant my wife says she’s going to have this year. Ohh, and crème brule. They have the best crème brule.

Of course, the time there isn’t just about amazing food. It’s about amazing time with family. The conversations and the time spent with them are just as memorable. I miss them all dearly, and my thoughts and prayers are with them constantly.

But, since this post has become more of a foodie blog today, I’m going to continue that trend to recap the highlight of my week: lunch with Afghans.

Every week at this forward operating base I’m now at we get to break bread with our Afghan National Army counterparts. They host the meal. And it’s authentic.

We walked over their compound where they escorted us into their chow hall – three long rows of benches with a huge spread on the tables. Each place setting had real silverware and plates (the chow hall is paper and plasticware). In the middle were silver platters piled high with spiced rice and baskets of fried potatoes. Little bowls of what I’m almost positive was goat meat were laid out for each person. And there was orange soda. Afghans seem to love their soft drinks.

That lunch was the best food I’ve eaten since getting here.

The conversation with our Afghans was a little difficult, having to speak through interpreters, but the non-verbal communication said it all. They love having us here. They are truly grateful for the attention and help we’re giving them. Yes, our cultures are completely different. Yes, we do things differently. But, there is a mutual connection of making this place better than it was 10 years ago.

The Afghans who serve are extremely patriotic and proud of what they do. They see their service, just like us who wear a U.S. uniform, as a privilege and an honor. Afghans are not bad people. The insurgents who fight us and torment the citizens of this country are. Most Afghans don’t want them around either. And many are proving that by wearing the military uniform of their country.

I’ve known this for a while. I don’t just read the news reports from mainstream media. I seek out the other news, and I see the other side of the story firsthand.

Don’t believe me? Come to Afghanistan and see for yourself.

And have a meal with them.

Whether it’s with family or with complete strangers – nothing unifies a group of people and creates wonderful memories quite like sitting down at a table full of food and eating together.

Dadalogue deployed: A long-overdue update

First off, an apology. I haven’t updated in a long while, and I’m sorry. I think I underestimated the rigors of deployment, even if my work keeps me “inside the wire.”

The days are long. Sleep comes easily. And, my wife will confirm, I am an 8-hour-a-night kind of guy. Any less and I’m cranky for the rest of the day.

Despite the long days, I enjoy being here. The work I’m doing is rewarding, and I’m finding that I can get things done more easily for my Marines in a deployed environment. I think everyone is more focused on the mission, so the unnecessary hassles stateside that come with getting gear or a simple signature are not present. Marines work best when they’re deployed.

Fortunately for me, even with the lack of updates here, I’ve been able to keep in touch with the Wife every few days. We’ve been able to chat on Skype and FaceTime. This morning we talked on the phone while Syracuse got beat by Ohio State. Being able to talk eased the pain of not seeing our team go to the Final 4. I even talked to Grace for a minute. My availability to talk usually coincides with her and Timothy’s nap times. Four a.m. though? Perfect.

Her conversation wasn’t much more than, “Hi Daddy. Bye Daddy. Babble babble. Syracuse, Timothy’s sleeping. Babble babble,” but it was great to hear her little voice.

My thoughts often wander back to my family and to how and what they’re doing. It makes me miss them more, but I think about the reunion (which seems so far away) and how sweet it’s going to be.

I know the Wife has been struggling a bit with the separation (she told me I could share this). There’s so much uncertainty from her end about my safety, and I’m just not around. Being separated from your soul mate for any amount of time really starts to wear on you mentally. My outlets right now for that are work and the gym. In a way, I can escape the reality of the situation. 

She’s living it every day. The kids still need constant attention, she feels guilty at times leaning on others to help out, and she wants me back to so I can fill that void. I think the biggest sacrifices are made by those who stay, not by us over here.

Yes, reunion will be a sweet, sweet day. In the meantime, we’ll keep doing our best to stay connected anyway we can.

Well, I’ll try to post more often. But remember, you are all still in my prayers. If you have requests, send them to dadalogue@gmail.com . I’ll add you to the list.

How to be a Deployed Dad #1

One of my greatest worries about deploying was my ability to be involved in my children’s lives. I’ve written here before that my wife and I feel we are a strong enough couple to handle long-term separation having done it once before for a six-month stretch in 2008 - 2009. But, kids? They add a whole new dimension to being away.

Thank God for the USO.

They’ve made it possible to be that presence at home even though I am 7,000 miles away. They have this program called United Through Reading which exists to continue the ritual of reading to your kids. This is my favorite time of day with Grace and Timothy; I was probably most emotional about leaving them when I read “Goodnight Moon” to Grace on the last night before leaving.

With United Through Reading I was able to pick a book out of the library inside the USO, sit in front of a camera (in a comfy chair), and record myself reading to my kids. Of course, I added a little special message at the end just for them. The first book I read to them is my personal favorite, “Guess How Much I Love You” by Sam McBratney. It’s one of Grace’s favorites too, and I hope Timothy grows to love it as much as we do.  When I was done the USO staff packed up the recording (which is on DVD) and they’ll mail it back to the USO headquarters in Virginia. Volunteers will marry the recording up with a copy of the book for the kids and mail it off to them. They’ll have it in about a month. I can do this as often as I wish. All for free.

How cool is that?!

I’ve said it before (maybe not on this blog, but I have) that the USO, hands-down, is my favorite secular non-profit. Someday I will repay them for all they’ve done for me and my family, whether it’s through my time or financially or both. They really have a fantastic organization and mission.

I’m going to keep looking and posting ways deployed dads (and moms) can stay involved and lessen the difficulty of separation. Please share your ideas if you’ve gone through this too! You can post in the comments below or e-mail me at dadalogue@gmail.com.

In other news, I still haven’t adjusted to the time difference. My sleep is still messed up, so I’m wide away by 4:30 am. That has to change soon or I won’t be able to work without industrial barrel-sized amounts of coffee.

Finally, keep e-mailing me those prayer requests for my prayer runs! I’ll keep everything confidential, so you can tell me as much or as little as you want. Even if it’s just a line that says “Pray for me,” I will. God knows your heart and he’ll answer.

Deployed. The First Days and Prayer Runs

Well, Dadalogue is now deployed. A couple days down and many more to go.

Impressions so far?

This isn’t my grandfather’s war. Goodness, for one thing, I’m blogging on the Internet several hundred miles away from developed civilization. Not only that, but there’s coffee shops (yes, plural), a barber shop nicer than the one I go to in California, and post exchanges that have variety that rivals Wal-Mart. Well, that last one is an exaggeration, but still you must answer the question, “What flavor Pringles to you want?”

The two chow halls I’ve been to have variety, and most of it is pretty good so far. It’s not home cookin’, but it’ll do. Get this: Yesterday I made my own Panini for lunch. Crazy. A hot pressed roast beef and provolone cheese sandwich in a combat zone. The novelty supposedly wears off soon though. I am told that in a couple weeks I’ll be able to know what day it is based solely on the chow hall menu. Tuesdays, for example, are Bang Bang shrimp nights. Thursdays are Oriental nights. Every. Single. Week.

My initial reaction to this cushy lifestyle is guilt. Two reasons. First, there are servicemembers in this country eating tray rations and MREs (Meals-Ready-to-Eat) every day. They’re lucky to get one decent hot meal or shower once every few months. I’ve had three squares a day and hot showers since I’ve been here. Second, I almost feel as if I’m pulling a fast one on the American public. I think there’s this impression that the conditions here are worse than they really are for most of us. The excessiveness of stuff on this base is a bit embarrassing. Except for those who are beyond the confines of bases like the one I’m at, we have it – dare I say – too well.

On the other hand, maybe there’s a reason for it. It sure is nice to know that there are familiar comforts of home within walking distance. Taxpayer money doesn’t pay for it all which helps ease the guilty mind. And those who have the opportunity to come in briefly from the combat outposts deserve all of this and more.

The wife and kids seem to be doing well. I’ve been able to video chat with them a few times. Grace loves seeing me on Skype, shouting “Daddy!” almost the whole time we chat. I was able to watch as she said “draw kitty” and proceeded to go to her art easel to scribble a “kitty cat” on the butcher paper. I saw Timothy in his highchair, food all over his face, smiling from ear to ear and waving his arms when he saw me. It warms the heart to see those magnificent children God has blessed me and the Wife with.

Speaking for God, final thought – and it involves you:

As I was running today I was praying. That got me to thinking about all the people who are praying for me. The power of prayer is amazing (I’ve seen its effects firsthand too many times to count) and I know there are whole churches that have me on their prayer list (thanks to Grandma, Mom Mom, and our church families back in California and where we lived in Virginia for a while). Well, I want to pray for you too. Send me your requests through e-mail (dadalogue@gmail.com), and every morning I will go on what I’ll call a Prayer Run. I won’t stop running until I’ve brought all the requests before God. Pass the word. If I have to run a marathon every day, I will.

Yes, there’s all this cool stuff: creature comforts, good food, hot showers, but I can’t think of a better way to stay positive and close to home than praying for the people I love.

Finally with the family (for a bit)

Well, it's been a little bit since I've updated everyone on my goings-on. To summarize: it's been hectic.

Between virtual tea party Skype sessions and work, I packed up the rest of our house and had it hauled away to storage (thanks Pods!). Some wonderful friends helped with the big stuff, but packing all the little things - and there were plenty - plus a good cleaning of the house was left up to me. I turned the keys back over two Saturdays ago.

Leaving was a bit tough. We really were blessed with finding such a great place: a four-bedroom ranch 20 minutes from work in our budget. This was our first non-apartment dwelling as a married couple, something both of us really couldn't wait for. We brought Timothy home from the hospital to this house. Grace learned how to walk on the slippery faux hardwood floors. We had tons of memorable family visits in the short year and a half we were there. Thanksgiving was a blast, even though the turkey tried to murder me. I'm going to miss not being there.

I'm now visiting with my family prior to the deployment and trying to get the most out of every moment.

Ice cream for Grace (courtesy of GiGi)!

Funny thing about not seeing your kids for a month. The changes that normally seem so gradual over time smack you in the face. A month ago, Grace was communicating, but it was more with babble and hand gestures. Now, she's speaking more clearly, and in some cases, in complete sentences. She follows directions well and has a better grasp of her numbers, letters, and colors. I didn't really get to see this evolution, so it blew me away how grown up she seemed. Timothy wasn't sitting up. Now he is. He's waving, and starting to babble. He's rolling over like a champ. Crawling is in the near future. He seems more like a toddler to me than the baby I said goodbye to at the beginning of the year.

If that's one month, after twelve, I'll be coming home to completely different human beings!

All bundled up for a winter walk.

It's really been a lot of fun getting to do nothing but to hang out with my wife and kids. Grace has been pretty much glued to my side since I've been here, and I'm not complaining. We've read about 500 books. I've been served 800 cups of imaginary tea. And she's been bounced, twirled, flipped, and tossed a thousand times. Both kids have gotten a million kisses. I've savored every moment (even the ones in the middle of the night) that Timothy has slept in my arms. I realize these may be the last days of that for me. He'll be a full-fledged toddler before my return, and in my experience, toddlers do not sleep in their parents arms often.

However, I can honestly say I haven't dwelled on the negatives or the impending reality. I've been able to live in the moment which, I think, makes those moments all that much better. Too often I've forced a moment to be something more than it is just because it's the last time or only time I'll get to experience it. I then get so focused on perfection or preservation that the real specialness is lost.

Because of my new approach, I'll look back at these few days and remember Grace's addicting laugh, Noah's precious face when he sleeps, and the way my wife smiles when she watches the scene of me playing on the floor with both kids.


Taking a few pictures along the way helps too.

Grandpa trying to cheer up a tired Timothy.

My parents, sister and one of her daughters came to visit us this past weekend to say goodbye. So did my wife's brother and his fiance. As always, time with them seems to pass too quickly, but it was enjoyable to have both sides of the family gathered under one roof. I think the last time all of us were together like this was at our wedding in 2008.

While they were here, we celebrated Grace's second birthday, even though she won't be two until Valentine's Day. But, the benefit of her being two is she won't know the difference.

Celebrating Grace's 2nd birthday a bit early.

As my time here winds down, I plan on spending it how I've been spending it: with those I love as close to me as possible. Nothing too fancy, nothing too planned, just full of as laughter, life, and love.