How to be a Deployed Dad #1

One of my greatest worries about deploying was my ability to be involved in my children’s lives. I’ve written here before that my wife and I feel we are a strong enough couple to handle long-term separation having done it once before for a six-month stretch in 2008 - 2009. But, kids? They add a whole new dimension to being away.

Thank God for the USO.

They’ve made it possible to be that presence at home even though I am 7,000 miles away. They have this program called United Through Reading which exists to continue the ritual of reading to your kids. This is my favorite time of day with Grace and Timothy; I was probably most emotional about leaving them when I read “Goodnight Moon” to Grace on the last night before leaving.

With United Through Reading I was able to pick a book out of the library inside the USO, sit in front of a camera (in a comfy chair), and record myself reading to my kids. Of course, I added a little special message at the end just for them. The first book I read to them is my personal favorite, “Guess How Much I Love You” by Sam McBratney. It’s one of Grace’s favorites too, and I hope Timothy grows to love it as much as we do.  When I was done the USO staff packed up the recording (which is on DVD) and they’ll mail it back to the USO headquarters in Virginia. Volunteers will marry the recording up with a copy of the book for the kids and mail it off to them. They’ll have it in about a month. I can do this as often as I wish. All for free.

How cool is that?!

I’ve said it before (maybe not on this blog, but I have) that the USO, hands-down, is my favorite secular non-profit. Someday I will repay them for all they’ve done for me and my family, whether it’s through my time or financially or both. They really have a fantastic organization and mission.

I’m going to keep looking and posting ways deployed dads (and moms) can stay involved and lessen the difficulty of separation. Please share your ideas if you’ve gone through this too! You can post in the comments below or e-mail me at dadalogue@gmail.com.

In other news, I still haven’t adjusted to the time difference. My sleep is still messed up, so I’m wide away by 4:30 am. That has to change soon or I won’t be able to work without industrial barrel-sized amounts of coffee.

Finally, keep e-mailing me those prayer requests for my prayer runs! I’ll keep everything confidential, so you can tell me as much or as little as you want. Even if it’s just a line that says “Pray for me,” I will. God knows your heart and he’ll answer.

Deployed. The First Days and Prayer Runs

Well, Dadalogue is now deployed. A couple days down and many more to go.

Impressions so far?

This isn’t my grandfather’s war. Goodness, for one thing, I’m blogging on the Internet several hundred miles away from developed civilization. Not only that, but there’s coffee shops (yes, plural), a barber shop nicer than the one I go to in California, and post exchanges that have variety that rivals Wal-Mart. Well, that last one is an exaggeration, but still you must answer the question, “What flavor Pringles to you want?”

The two chow halls I’ve been to have variety, and most of it is pretty good so far. It’s not home cookin’, but it’ll do. Get this: Yesterday I made my own Panini for lunch. Crazy. A hot pressed roast beef and provolone cheese sandwich in a combat zone. The novelty supposedly wears off soon though. I am told that in a couple weeks I’ll be able to know what day it is based solely on the chow hall menu. Tuesdays, for example, are Bang Bang shrimp nights. Thursdays are Oriental nights. Every. Single. Week.

My initial reaction to this cushy lifestyle is guilt. Two reasons. First, there are servicemembers in this country eating tray rations and MREs (Meals-Ready-to-Eat) every day. They’re lucky to get one decent hot meal or shower once every few months. I’ve had three squares a day and hot showers since I’ve been here. Second, I almost feel as if I’m pulling a fast one on the American public. I think there’s this impression that the conditions here are worse than they really are for most of us. The excessiveness of stuff on this base is a bit embarrassing. Except for those who are beyond the confines of bases like the one I’m at, we have it – dare I say – too well.

On the other hand, maybe there’s a reason for it. It sure is nice to know that there are familiar comforts of home within walking distance. Taxpayer money doesn’t pay for it all which helps ease the guilty mind. And those who have the opportunity to come in briefly from the combat outposts deserve all of this and more.

The wife and kids seem to be doing well. I’ve been able to video chat with them a few times. Grace loves seeing me on Skype, shouting “Daddy!” almost the whole time we chat. I was able to watch as she said “draw kitty” and proceeded to go to her art easel to scribble a “kitty cat” on the butcher paper. I saw Timothy in his highchair, food all over his face, smiling from ear to ear and waving his arms when he saw me. It warms the heart to see those magnificent children God has blessed me and the Wife with.

Speaking for God, final thought – and it involves you:

As I was running today I was praying. That got me to thinking about all the people who are praying for me. The power of prayer is amazing (I’ve seen its effects firsthand too many times to count) and I know there are whole churches that have me on their prayer list (thanks to Grandma, Mom Mom, and our church families back in California and where we lived in Virginia for a while). Well, I want to pray for you too. Send me your requests through e-mail (dadalogue@gmail.com), and every morning I will go on what I’ll call a Prayer Run. I won’t stop running until I’ve brought all the requests before God. Pass the word. If I have to run a marathon every day, I will.

Yes, there’s all this cool stuff: creature comforts, good food, hot showers, but I can’t think of a better way to stay positive and close to home than praying for the people I love.

Finally with the family (for a bit)

Well, it's been a little bit since I've updated everyone on my goings-on. To summarize: it's been hectic.

Between virtual tea party Skype sessions and work, I packed up the rest of our house and had it hauled away to storage (thanks Pods!). Some wonderful friends helped with the big stuff, but packing all the little things - and there were plenty - plus a good cleaning of the house was left up to me. I turned the keys back over two Saturdays ago.

Leaving was a bit tough. We really were blessed with finding such a great place: a four-bedroom ranch 20 minutes from work in our budget. This was our first non-apartment dwelling as a married couple, something both of us really couldn't wait for. We brought Timothy home from the hospital to this house. Grace learned how to walk on the slippery faux hardwood floors. We had tons of memorable family visits in the short year and a half we were there. Thanksgiving was a blast, even though the turkey tried to murder me. I'm going to miss not being there.

I'm now visiting with my family prior to the deployment and trying to get the most out of every moment.

Ice cream for Grace (courtesy of GiGi)!

Funny thing about not seeing your kids for a month. The changes that normally seem so gradual over time smack you in the face. A month ago, Grace was communicating, but it was more with babble and hand gestures. Now, she's speaking more clearly, and in some cases, in complete sentences. She follows directions well and has a better grasp of her numbers, letters, and colors. I didn't really get to see this evolution, so it blew me away how grown up she seemed. Timothy wasn't sitting up. Now he is. He's waving, and starting to babble. He's rolling over like a champ. Crawling is in the near future. He seems more like a toddler to me than the baby I said goodbye to at the beginning of the year.

If that's one month, after twelve, I'll be coming home to completely different human beings!

All bundled up for a winter walk.

It's really been a lot of fun getting to do nothing but to hang out with my wife and kids. Grace has been pretty much glued to my side since I've been here, and I'm not complaining. We've read about 500 books. I've been served 800 cups of imaginary tea. And she's been bounced, twirled, flipped, and tossed a thousand times. Both kids have gotten a million kisses. I've savored every moment (even the ones in the middle of the night) that Timothy has slept in my arms. I realize these may be the last days of that for me. He'll be a full-fledged toddler before my return, and in my experience, toddlers do not sleep in their parents arms often.

However, I can honestly say I haven't dwelled on the negatives or the impending reality. I've been able to live in the moment which, I think, makes those moments all that much better. Too often I've forced a moment to be something more than it is just because it's the last time or only time I'll get to experience it. I then get so focused on perfection or preservation that the real specialness is lost.

Because of my new approach, I'll look back at these few days and remember Grace's addicting laugh, Noah's precious face when he sleeps, and the way my wife smiles when she watches the scene of me playing on the floor with both kids.


Taking a few pictures along the way helps too.

Grandpa trying to cheer up a tired Timothy.

My parents, sister and one of her daughters came to visit us this past weekend to say goodbye. So did my wife's brother and his fiance. As always, time with them seems to pass too quickly, but it was enjoyable to have both sides of the family gathered under one roof. I think the last time all of us were together like this was at our wedding in 2008.

While they were here, we celebrated Grace's second birthday, even though she won't be two until Valentine's Day. But, the benefit of her being two is she won't know the difference.

Celebrating Grace's 2nd birthday a bit early.

As my time here winds down, I plan on spending it how I've been spending it: with those I love as close to me as possible. Nothing too fancy, nothing too planned, just full of as laughter, life, and love.

One small step for Toddlers, one giant leap (in the air) for Mommies!

Please welcome my first guest blogger to the site - my wife! While we're apart, I'm missing some of the big moments, so I asked her if she'd share her experiences here. Enjoy!


I was asked by The Huz to write a post because, well, it happened under my watch.

We purchased a child-sized potty for Grace months ago with intentions of potty training her, but the furthest we ever got was letting her sit on it with all her clothes on. This tactic was mainly used by me so I could keep my eye on her and not have to do the potty dance until The Huz got home from work.

She seemed to enjoy it, most of the time. She liked to read books while she sat down, and we did a lot of counting. We also had a mirror on the bathroom door, so she was able to have endless conversations with herself. All in all, it was a good start to the learning process.

And I really didn't want to do much more until we were settled at my parent's house. I can only imagine what would have happened if we were in the throws of potty training AND trying to move across the country to a new house, new room, and new people.

Now that we are here, and for the most part settled,  I upped the ante. Grace will now sit on her potty without her clothes on and count to ten or more, before she says she's all done. Then we will go through the motions of wiping, flushing, and washing our hands even though she has done nothing.

Until now that is.

This is how the whole thing went down:

Me: Grace, it's time to take a shower, let's try and go potty first.
Grace: All done (in a whiny voice).
Me: Come on, let's get your diaper off and just try to go potty.
Grace: Aaaaaaalll dooooone Mommy!
Me: (Sitting her on the potty) One, Two, Three...
Grace: Hokie Pokie, turn round Mommy?
Me: Nine, Ten. Okay let's get in the shower and clean up.
Grace: All done shower. ALL DONE SHOWER!!!
Me: (throwing her in the shower crying)


When we got out she was excited about being able to brush her teeth, comb her hair, and put lotion on. She was standing at the sink doing all this in only a towel until it started to fall off. At this point, I just gave up with the towel and let her finish naked - it's easier! But then we ended up having a little disagreement about how to brush our teeth and she started crying.

Then she got quiet, and we both watched as pee started trickling down her leg. I quickly sat her on the potty, and she didn't even mind the whiplash. What little pee was left landed in the little green potty! The bathroom quickly went from a crying room to a full on celebration!

Me: Grace, you went pee pee on the potty!!!
Grace: Pee pee on potty (very nonchalantly).
Me: I'm so proud of you! You did it! I love you so much (Lot's of kissing and hugging. Rinse and repeat about ten times).
Grace: Hokie Pokie, turn round Mommy?
Me: I can't wait to tell Daddy, he is going to be so proud of you!
Grace: (With increasing excitement) Talk Daddy, call DADDY, TALK DADDY!!!

We called Daddy right then and there. I let Grace tell him the good news, and the excitement he showed brought tears to my eyes. Once I got my composure and said good-bye, Grace was asking to call Grandpa and GG too. Why wouldn't everyone want to know about the good news? Grace was able to leave them both messages about going pee pee on the potty.

It was such an exciting accomplishment - mostly for Mommy - Grace could have cared less. She was more excited about being able to use the phone and picking out stickers.

We celebrated the occasion just like I had dreamed we would. Yes, I have dreamed of this moment a few times. And I can now say that my daughter used the potty for the first time. That's not only a huge accomplishment for a toddler, but for parents as well. Our daughter is growing up! It's the little things in life, no matter how they happened, that make us call everyone we know to celebrate!

I may have hyped it up a little too much though. Now when we get even remotely close to the bathroom she says, "All done Mommy." But I'll keep trying, even if she's crying her head off. Because that's how much I love her!

What I miss as a dad separated from his family

Do you know what the best thing about being away from your family is?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

At first, the idea of some peace and quiet was nice. A stay-cation of sorts. I could be on my own schedule, and watch what I wanted on TV. No more Yo Gabba Gabba for this dad. I could eat peanut butter straight out of the jar. I didn't have to wake up in the middle of the night for anything. I could let the dishes sit in the sink. There was no one to tell me what to do. This was all pretty cool.

For like an hour.

After that, I started craving things like a little girl running into the room with her blanket to climb up and snuggle on the couch with me. I crave giggles, smiles, laughs, coos, and yes, even crying. I crave my old routine. I crave reading the same book three times in a row before bed. I crave Goodnight Moon and goodnight kisses. I crave hugs. I crave little babies sleeping in my arms. I crave changing diapers. Well, lets be honest, maybe not that. I could do without changing diapers. But I crave those little ones that make such big messes. I crave hearing battery-operated children's toys that sing the ABC's and count to ten in Spanish. I crave talking to my wife face to face. I crave holding her hand. I crave seeing her when I walk in the door coming home from work. I crave having her close at night. I crave her poking me awake to go rock our son back to sleep. I crave giving her sleepy head a goodbye kiss in the morning. I crave leftovers for lunch.

I crave what I'm missing.

On my way to work I got a call from The Wife and Grace. Our almost two-year-old was excited to tell me that she "went pee pee in the potty." This was a first. I, of course, want to be there for that. Or at least hear about it in person. But, that's obviously not possible. I can't stop time. I can't tell Grace to stay little until I get back. I can't tell Timothy to not crawl and walk until I can cheer him on. I have to encourage them and cheer them on over the phone or through the computer.

Those video chats we do regularly keep me smiling. My daughter is learning quickly how to interact with me over the computer. We laugh and giggle and act silly just like if we were together. She couldn't wait to show me how she does the Hokey Pokey. Timothy is learning how to wave and clap. It's all fun to watch, and those chats are the highlight of my day.

But of course, there are dinners to make, baths to be had, and bedtime for little ones. The call has to end at some point. And when it does, our now empty house is once again quiet. And I go back to eating peanut butter straight from the jar.

The perfect gift idea for a family man to his wife

If you're like me, the challenge of finding the perfect gift for your wife can be a daunting, but ultimately rewarding, endeavor.

Sure, there are the old standbys: flowers, chocolates, gift certificates. They bring a smile to her face, they're appreciated. But honestly they lack personality, thoughtfulness, and originality. I've given all these to my wife and I know she likes them, but I really love wowing her. I love giving her that gift that takes her breath away or puts a tear in her eye.

I think I got it right this past Christmas.

I asked my friend and fellow blogger Lindsay at Mulberry Street Productions to put together a montage of our wedding day photos and video. She didn't disappoint. This is what I gave my wife:

This video not only was a hit with my wife, it was great for me. I look back at our wedding day in my mind's eye and I see highlights: How beautiful she looked walking down the aisle; our vows; our mom's messages to us; the ukelele; dancing out of the church; the best man speech; our first dance; sneaking outside during the reception to look in on the scene of happiness (a piece of advice given to us by Lindsay, actually) But when I saw the montage for the first time I was able to see little details of those moments that my own (poor) memory has now glazed over. I got to relive the day.

It's been said many times by many people, but the greatest things in life aren't things at all. They're the people we love. That's why this video is something my wife and I will treasure for the rest of our lives. It's a perfect representation of our happiest day.

Is Tebow good for our children?

I admit, I've caught Tebowitis or Tebowmania or Tebowrama ... whatever it's called, I have it.

I love the fact that Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow is baffling sports pundits and haters as to his success, despite their so-called "statistical proof" he's bad. I love his humble attitude on the field, and his coolness during press conferences. And I especially love his public displays of his faith in Jesus Christ - Tebowing as it's now called.

He's a polarizing figure which makes for really good water cooler discussions. He's also a great segue for Christians to share their faith without coming across as too preachy or pushy.  But all this hype, and an e-mail from my grandmother, got me to thinking is he a good role model for our kids? Is he taking away something that should be a parent's role? Is the religious hype surrounding him misguided?

Tebow is in the same shoes (or cleats, as it were) thousands of athletes and other celebrities have worn -  he is looked up to and idolized by millions for the mere fact he's in the public spotlight. It doesn't hurt that he's squeaky clean too. Back in my preteen days, that guy was Michael Jordan (remember the "I Wanna be Like Mike" Gatorade commercial?). For a Christian kid it's gotta be huge to be able to have someone who is outspoken about their faith, but is still considered "cool." As Christian parents, it's easy to let our kids get caught up in the hype without so much as talking to them about it.

I question how healthy it is for kids to idolizing a famous person no matter how wholesome they seem. Not that long ago, many admirers were crushed when they found out about Tiger Woods' marital indiscretions. I certainly didn't see that coming. But his case serves as a good example of what happens when you put your faith in or idolize someone other than God.

I just got finished reading the book of Judges for my quiet time. This whole book in the Bible is devoted to how time and time again God's people strayed away and worshiped false idols, then paid a hefty price when their enemies killed or enslaved them. It was only through God's forgiveness were they able to live peacefully.

I doubt Tebow views himself as a worshiped idol (even though he may be to some), but I also think that he's very careful about the image he portrays. That's a lot of pressure for one person. There are people out there watching and waiting for him to make one little slip-up so they can exploit it. And frankly, he probably will. He's human. He's not Jesus Christ - the only perfect being to walk on this earth. I can also see many people getting upset for whatever that mistake is. If history is any indication, instead of forgiving Tebow, they'll unfairly blame him for letting them and their kids down.

As Christian parents, we need to strive to be our children's role models. It's too important of a job to leave for someone we see on TV, no matter how charming they appear. Kids catch mere glimpses of their favorite celebrity's life. However, they see everything we do, they hear everything we say. For those of us who've dedicated our children at church, we vowed before our God and our congregation to raise them in a Christian household with Christian values. We didn't vow that job on someone else.

The other part of this is when we let our kids listen to the unfiltered public conversation about Tebow's faith, they're hearing mass media's take on religion - not the truth. That e-mail my grandmother sent was a "Stillspeaking Daily Devotional" she gets. In it Lillian Daniel, a minister for a First Congregational Church, asserts that it's flawed theology to think that Tim Tebow is winning because he has God's favor (an assertion made by Tebow's pastor). I know that pastor isn't the only one - my Facebook feed explodes with that thinking every time Tebow wins (After a loss we all saw something like, "Guess God is a Patriots fan. LOL.") Daniel said there are no doubt others out there praying just as hard for the opposing teams. Why didn't they win the games? 

Things like touchdowns are "human affairs," she wrote. "God doesn't reward one player with a touchdown and curse another. God gives us the instructions on how to withstand the hard times, and how to withstand the good times, with these wise words from Micah: do justice, love mercy and walk humbly with your God."

Daniel makes a very good point. The Broncos aren't winning because Tebow is Christian and he prays really hard for a win. But that's the tone the national conversation is taking as to the reason behind his supposed out-of-nowhere success. With that thinking, we'd all just have to pray for our millions of dollars, big homes, and perfect families. God simply doesn't work that way.

No doubt, God is doing some awesome things in Tim Tebow's life. He's probably got some big plans for the young quarterback. Maybe he's the tool God will use to spread the gospel to those who see their couch as the pew and Mike Ditka as their pastor. I don't know. I look forward to watching what happens.

What I do know is that God didn't intend is for Tebow to be the one we go to. We find that by Tebowing - getting down on one knee, bowing our head, and praying to our Father.